Aphrodite: "The new kid. She seems kinda werid to me. And what kind of name is Buffy!??!"
Random Girl: "The chatter in the caf' is she got kicked out! And thats why she's starting latter in the semister!"

Xander: "You'll be fine once you know your way around. Those guys are the 'houses'. They be geniue hardcore gangsters 'cept for the upperclass white guy stigima. Total wannabes but their okay"

Buffy: "hmm, that would have to be the theater club."
Xander: "Well spotted what gave it away?"
Buffy: (gesturing emphatically) "They're way gesturey! What is the homework?"
Xander: (gesturing emphatically mocking the theater club) "I didn't get the homework!"

Buffy: "Flim club?"
Xander: "Uh-huh, they spend their time deciding that every movie is an exosintcal-meditation on fruedian-sexuality."
Buffy: "even Muppets take Manhatten?"
Xander: "Especially Muppets take Manhatten!"

Xander: "Oh the dirty girls!"
Buffy: Why do you call them" (the group walk past Buffy and Xander) "Oh...WOW!"
Xander: "They have views on hygine. Its pretty intense."

Buffy: "Willow whats wrong?"
Willow: "You haven't heard?"
Buffy : "Heard what?"
Willow: "In the womens locker room...they found someone..."
Xander: "And"
Willow: "They found someone...I mean, they found someone...."
Cordelia: "DEAD!"
Buffy: "Dead?"
Cordelia: "Way Dead!"
Xander: "Not just a little dead then?"
Cordelia: "Don't you have an elsewhere to be?"

Willow: "You think he was killed by someone?"
Cordelia: "No I'm sure it was natural cause, he crawled up in the locker and died of old age."

Buffy: "Principal Flutie"
Principal Flutie: "Bambi, (pf shakes head and tries again), uh - Betty!"
Buffy: "Buffy"
Principal Flutie: "Right, I am so sorry about this. I know its your first day, I just want to say, we very seldom, we almost never, have dead kids stuffed in lockers I have a very strict policy about that.

Principal Flutie: "I know its hard, certainly not the welcome i would've planned for you. I know you're upset, confussed, you probably got that thing like when you burp and you got that vomitty taste in your mouth (making gaging sounds) just wan you to know, we're all here for you, if there's anything you need..."
Buffy: (Buffy interupting) "Can I look at the body?"

Buffy: "Ok what the stitch here? you heard about the dead guy, the dead guy in the locker right?"
Giles: "yes"
Buffy: "'cos its the weridest thing he's got two little holes in his neck. and his blood has been drained...isn't that bizarre? aren't you just going oooolllll?"

Buffy:: "I was afraid I'd be behind in my classes, i wouldn't make any friends, I'd have last months hair. I didn't think they'rd be vampires on campus and I don't care!"
Giles: "You cannot escape you're destiney!"
Buffy: "wanna bet?" (immediatly followed by her flipping over the library's spiral staircase and landing feetfirst standing at the lower lever.)

Giles: "A watcher serves by finding the slayer and leading her on her path. it is my destiny to guide you."

Buffy: "Yeah well the last guy they sent to guide me you should see what happened to him"
Giles: "yes I know all about it"
Buffy: "you don't know anything damn it! you don't know whats its like. I was happy. I was cindy loo who coasting through my life when vampires, who are only supposest to be in cheesey movies start killing people, people I know. I found out that I'm the slayer the only one in the world - and i gotta stop em and i do i train i hunt it becomes my whole life, I can do things no other kid can. actually thats fairly lush, I'm farrely into that. So I kill the vampires. yay me, and when its all over whats left? my grades are sucking my social life has achieved lepar state and i get thrown out of school for causing trouble not exactly a metal.

Buffy: "I just want to be live everyone else"
Giles: "Well you're not are you?
Buffy: "Well I mean to be"

Buffy: (refering to Dingoes Ate My Baby) "Is the band any good?"
Xander: "Well they dont know any chords but they have really big amps. So you didnt do normal things at your old school?
Buffy: "Oh. Sure. Only Exclusivily. Only everyday stuff homework, student council, football team..."
Xander: "You were on the football team?"

Xander: "you're really caring about this outfit! pretty striking, you know sleves rolled up collar, very lonel richie. i mean whos still sporting that look.

Vampire: "He had it coming, coming up here alone at night, with a stranger, what kind of an idiot would do a thing like that? Whats wrong? you did want to snuggle?"

Buffy: "What is with vampires and clothes? you always think the march of fashion stopped dead the day you did. It really is such a giveaway."

Buffy: "You know you really shouldnt be here. A vampire, all alone at night. It just isnt safe."
Vampire: "Youve got me wrong."
Buffy: "Oh. So, youre not a Vampire?"
Vampire: " NO. Im. Not. Alone.

Buffy: "I dont suppose youd be sweeties and attack me one at a time?"
Vampire: "You watch too many movies."
Buffy: "You can never watch too many movies."

Buffy: "Oh awe that was my favorite spine"

Vampire girl: (pushing Willow aside)"Oh god. I hate left-overs"

Xander: (to female Vampire chasing him around the high school audiotorium) "I dont like girls that Im afraid of"

Vamp 1: "Who are you?"
Buffy: "The Slayer"
Vamp 2: (running away scared) "A Slayer!"

Buffy: "You better face facts. Youve run out time. Youve run out of friends. And no one likes your outfit."

Willow: "I know how to use this... I think" ( holding a cross, Xander cowering behind her)

Vampire: (being pulled into a hole in the floor by buffy) "your friend can't hurt me now!"

Giles: "Im not saying you didnt do well...wait now I am. You didnt do well. You...you stunk up the place." Xander: "What are you kidding? She was hugh. She had the moves, the crane technique."
Willow: "And, she saved my life,which Im for."
Giles: "If shed shown up a minute later, youd be dead or worse.And you revealed yourself. You let one of the Vampires go...."

Giles: "I can not believe the fate of the world may well be in the hands of this...this...teen-thing."
Buffy: "Relax, the worlds in beauty hands, trust me."

Buffy: "Are you sure youre wearing enough, cos we might get a cloud later." (Buffy to Giles as he's going on and on and on about how she stunk up the place)

Return to top?

Rules form the Slayer Handbook: according to Buffy Summers

From the Watcher's Guide Vol 1
Rule 1: "Walk tough, Talk tough, Be tough"
Rule 2: "Provide whatever assistance you can, but know your strengths and weaknesses"
Rule 3: "Be properly respectful about your calling and its traditions"
Rule 4: "Keep your cool. Don't let little things like homicidal boyfriends distract you."
Rule 5: "Don't be fooled by a lull in Slayage. Stake all you wan, they'll make more."
Rule 6: "Seek proper balance in life"
Rule 7: "Be vigilant in regard to personal morale"
Rule 8: "Personal appearance is important in making a good first impression"
Rule 9: "When faced with the unknown, go with your instincts"
Rule 10: "Wherever you can, inspire faith in your allies, and loathing in your enemies"
Rule 11: "Be Patient"
Rule 12: "Safeguard your identity as the Slayer at all times"

Return to top?

• Nobody deserves Mime
• Countrary to popular mythology, the world did not begin as a paradise
  
• Love makes you do the wacky
  
• A vague disclaimer is no ones friend
  
• The books live in the library
  
• Not everything is about kissing, some stuff is about groping
  
• HO-Ho's are a vital part of the cognitive process
  
• Raiding an Englishman's fridge is like dating a nun-you're never gonna get the good stuff
  
• John Tess is the Devil
  
• Spontaneous human combustion is rare and scientifically unexplainable
  
• Nobody cool has Epstein-Barr
  
• Apocalypse Now is a gay romp
  
• It's a little weird to date someone who tries to eat you once a month
  
• Irony is kinda Ironic
  
• There are seven annual minutes when a guy doesn't want sex
  
• Antonio Banderas is not a vampire
  
• Being in a band is a business-class ticket to cool, with complimentary mojo after takeoff
  
• Thanksgiving is a sham...a sham with yams...a yam sham
  
• All monkeys are French
  
• Looking at linoleum makes teenage boys think about sex
  
• You don't sneak up during crime
  
• Tact is just not saying true stuff
  
• Fairy tales are real
  
• It is a statical impossibility for a sixteen year old girl to unplug the phone
  
• The fun part of the black plague is that it originated in Europe as an early form of
  germ warfare
  
• Generally speaking when scary things get scared, not good
  
• Seeing your mom fronting a guy is a one way ticket to therapy-land
  
• It's a ludicrous to have these interlocking bodies and not interlock
  
• Being popular isn't just a right, its a responsibility
  
• Even if you see them coming your not ready for the big moments
  
• You think you know...whats to come, what you are...you haven't begun
  
• Life is short